Bitter is the Sake
by Murayama-Tsuru
Summary: Ito Kamotaro on why he is so bitter, his childhood, his time with the Shinsengumi, and why a agreed to Takasugi's plan


**Hello again, or for the first time, Murayama Tsuru here. I've been on a Gintama kick lately haven't I? Recently I read the first part of the Shinsengumi Crisis arc and it reignited my passion to write something about Ito** **Kamotaro. So, I looked on FFN to see if there were any other Ito Fanfics and I was shocked to find that there were none! Am I the only Kamotaro fan out there? I thought he was a really interesting character. So here's a story about Ito-kun set a little before he returns to Edo. I hope you guys enjoy the first Ito Kamotaro Fanfiction**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama, it belongs to Sorachi Hideaki-Sensei. Were it mine, I would have put Kamui and Abuto on a cover already.**_

Do you know the worst fate that can befall a Samurai? It's to not be understood. No matter how talented he is or how hard he works if people don't understand him or give him the credit he deserves or praise him enough for his abilities, then he will live a life of frustration. This is what Ito Kamotaro told himself whenever he heard the petty whispers of the people around him.

As a child, he never understood why his parents doted more on his brother. Sure, he was sickly but that didn't mean he should get all the attention right? They were twins weren't they? Shouldn't their parents have given them attention equally? Yes, Takahisa had been born a few minutes ahead of him, but that meant nothing, right? He had seen his mother holding Takahisa's hand whenever he was too ill to move. She'd never held his hand…ever. Kamotaro then decided to work as hard as he could so he could gain his mother's recognition. It never worked though; his mother would only tell him he was disturbing Takahisa's sleep whenever he tried to show her one of his perfect test scores. So, Kamotaro decided to work even harder.

It was the same at school. While the teachers praised him and called him a genius, the other students would only look at him with contempt. One time they had beaten him up after school and told him that he was just a nerd who only knew how to study so he shouldn't get a swelled head.

Another time he was told by his Sensei that he was a prodigy at Kendo. Sensei had even given him a recommendation to the prestigious Hokuto-Itto Dojo. When he looked to his classmates with a small smile, he was met with anger once again. But he shrugged their contempt off, thinking as long as his parents gave him some recognition he'd be fine.

That evening, with the recommendation letter in hand, he rushed to Takahisa's room to show his parents. He was about to open the door when he heard his parents talking. "What a tragedy. Our son and heir Takahisa is so sickly. I fear for the future of the Ito family. Meanwhile, his twin brother Kamotaro thrives…But his accomplishments mean nothing. Kamotaro stole everything from Takahisa at birth. Kamotaro must have bewitched him when they were in my belly. I wish that boy…Had never been born." Kamotaro's eyes widened. Was this really what his mother thought about him? He had cursed his brother? He would never do that, he loved Takahisa despite all the attention he took away from Kamotaro.

"Hush!" his father admonished, "Kamotaro might hear you! You mustn't say such things!"

"But…I feel sorry for Takahisa. He suffers so while Kamotaro bounces around mindlessly like a healthy little squirrel monkey…"

"You must be exhausted from taking care of Takahisa. Go to bed." His father said not unkindly. Kamotaro, walking away, had started crying. He knew his mother had never really liked him, but what she said was too much. As he walked back to his room he thought "Why? Why won't anybody…Look at me? I'm working so hard. I haven't done anything wrong. Pay attention to me. Praise me. Don't…leave me alone. Stay by my side. Stay next to me…and hold…my hand." A small part of him knew this was a selfish thought, but he had reached his breaking point. That night he packed up the small amount of belongings he had and left for Edo. His parents wouldn't miss him; they probably wouldn't even realize he was gone.

Even in the Hokuto-Itto dojo there had been distance between him and his classmates. He had exceled in his classes there too, but he still didn't have any friends. He had underlings and people who looked up to him. But there was a gap that couldn't be bridged. They looked at him as if he was untouchable, a genius they said. At least there was no bullying, unlike before. This is when he started thinking that everyone other than him was stupid. They all looked up to him. And, while he enjoyed the attention he thought he deserved it wasn't what he really wanted. Why couldn't someone see though him and ask to be his friend?

Then the Amanto invaded. He, and all the other students, had wanted to fight against them. But they were told they were too young. It truly made Kamotaro mad that he couldn't protect his country like the Kiheitai or the Shiro Yasha he heard so much about in the news. When the Samurai lost, he followers liked to boast that if Kamotaro had been able to join they wouldn't have lost.

After the war, he started hearing things about this group called the Shinsengumi. Though they worked for the Bakufu and had to support the Amanto, they also protected the people of Edo. So, he and all his followers signed up. They were accepted (of course). They had also signed up for the Mimawarigumi, but apparently they weren't elite enough for that group.

Joining the Shinsengumi was…different. When Kamotaro and his followers arrived, the group had thrown a welcome party for them. It was a loud event with Sake and more Sake. Apparently the Shinsengumi didn't get new members very often. Kamotaro was sitting alone when this spiky haired man came up to him and slurred "You must be the prodigy, Ito Kamotaro, from the Hokuto-Itto Dojo! It's nice to have someone so famous join our group!" Kamotaro sighed thinking this person was just another groupie trying to kiss up to him. Then this black haired man sat down next to them, took one look at spiky-hair and said "Kondo-san, quit bothering him, he clearly wants to be alone. And you're clearly drunk. Didn't I tell you not to drink so much?"

"Don't worry about it Toshi! I've only had twelve cups! And I've seen you drinking too, so we're even!" 'Kondo-san' said matter-of-factly. 'Toshi' just face-palmed but said nothing in argument. Kamotaro then realized that these two were Kondo Isao the chief and Hijikata Toshiro the vice-chief of the Shinsengumi. "These two are the leaders. What are they doing drinking like this? Were I in charge, this kind of thing would never happen." Kamotaro thought derisively. Then a sandy haired teenager came over with a full bottle of Sake and both Kondo and Toshiro shouted "Sougo! What are you doing? You're underage, you shouldn't be drinking!" This Sougo person just smiled drunkenly at them and hugged the Sake bottle to him. After that the party had descended into chaos. An even though Ito thought they were all crazy he still drank the Sake Kondo offered him. It was cheaper than he was used to. But it was also the sweetest, most delicious Sake he had ever tasted. This was the first time he ever felt this happy. In fact it was the first time he felt happy at all. He had found in the Shinsengumi what he had wanted all along: friendship. These people treated him not as someone undesired, not as some untouchable god, but as an equal, a friend. These people could be the ones to dispel the loneliness he for felt so long. So all Kamotaro could do while Kondo had his arm around him making random toasts was sit there, a small smile adorning his lips.

But, the enjoyably days at the Shinsengumi eventually came to an end. Kamotaro noticed that Chief Kondo was not the sharpest person around. He was too trusting and often said things without thinking. This made him a terrible politician. But Kamotaro understood why people looked up to him; he was an honest and kind man even though he was a little rough around the edges.

Kamotaro had often seen Toshiro warning the Chief when he was being tricked. Kamotaro helped the chief too when dealing with the Bakufu. And while the Chief treated Toshiro as a friend no matter what, he started calling Kamotaro "Ito-Sensei". Kamotaro hadn't thought much of it until he started hearing the rumors. He didn't think much about the ones that said he was being an ass-kisser. But he couldn't ignore the rumor that he was trying to take over the Shinsengumi. He had once tried to correct some people who said this but they had just apologized and ran away before he got a chance to speak. Even Hijikata had started looking at him with suspicion. Once he had heard Hijikata warning Chief Kondo about him. "Kondo-san," Hijikata had said "I've been hearing rumors about Ito recently. If you're not careful, he'll end up taking over." This made Kamotaro sad and bitter. It reminded him of his childhood he had tried to run away from.

He found himself thinking more and more how stupid Kondo was. He also found himself seeing himself in Hijikata. Hijikata was also looked up to and feared by his subordinates. He saw the loneliness in Hijikata that he saw in himself. He also saw that Hijikata was put in this unreachable place like he was. It made him lonelier that the only person who seemed to understand him was becoming his enemy. If that was how Hijikata wanted to play it, then Kamotaro would fight for the position of Vice-chief. Kamotaro had already considered Hijikata a rival after all. Even if Hijikata didn't really remember him.

So when the Chief asked him to go to Kyoto to recruit new members and talk the Bakufu into giving them better weapons he agreed readily. He needed to escape; the rumors and scathing looks were getting to be too much. As he left Kondo's room, he saw Hijikata walking toward him. When they crossed paths Kamotaro said "Hijikata-san, I want to talk to you."

"That's a coincidence. I wanted to talk to you to." Hijikata said with slight suspicion to Kamotaro's ears. At the same time they said "You hate me, don't you." And that's when Kamotaro actually realized it, he did hate Hijikata. The similarities between them were so much that he couldn't help but hate him. He wanted to yell at him, but instead he calmly said "Chief Kondo likes me, and even though I'm newcomer, my meteoric rise threatens your position. I'm sure you consider me an annoyance."

Hijikata, just as calmly, says "But I'm your superior. I stand in the way of your ambitions. I'm sure you consider me an even bigger annoyance." So he had been paying attention to the rumors after all.

"Heh…Your suspicions are groundless Hijikata san. Nothing could be further from my mind." It wasn't quite true, recently he had been thinking that he would make a better chief than Kondo but he wasn't really planning to act on it unless it became necessary.

"That's good. I guess that clarifies things between us." Is what Hijikata said. But nothing had really been clarified for Kamotaro; he still didn't really know what Hijikata thought of him.

Neither of them had looked at each other since they crossed paths. But then they said at the same time "I think you're an annoyance? It's more serious than that. Someday I'll have to kill you." They had turned to face each other now and seeing the look on Hijikata's face, Kamotaro was not surprised. He had been right that Hijikata was very similar to him. Hijikata even had the same expression of contempt and hatred that Kamotaro knew he had on. But nothing happened after that. They went their separate ways. Kamotaro went to Kyoto, Hijikata stayed in Edo, and that seemed to be the end of it.

In Kyoto, Kamotaro was able to do a lot for the Shinsengumi. He got them new members and he was able to convince the Bakufu to give them better weapons too. He was hoping that when he got back to Edo Kondo would be happy with him and Hijikata would be less suspicious of him. But he was also forgetting that respect he had had for Kondo and thinking of him more and more as an incompetent gorilla.

Then, he was approached by this man with headphones. The man had asked him to come with him because his boss had something to ask him. Kamotaro had ended up following the man because he was curious. This man had a presence that was mildly unsettling. They reached their destination, a boat, and Kamotaro was led inside. His was given a luxurious meal and then the headphones man announced that his boss was coming in. When the boss came in, Kamotaro immediately recognized him as Takasugi Shinsuke, the wanted Joui terrorist. After all with the bandaged eye and butterfly Kimono, who wouldn't recognize him?

As they were eating, Kamotaro was served very expensive Sake. He took a sip, and at first it was good but soon he found it too bitter. This Sake seemed to fit the person who served it. Takasugi seemed to Kamotaro a very bitter man, seeking revenge on a government who had allowed the Amanto to take over.

"Ito-san, I have called you here today because I wish to offer you a proposal. You see, I wish to destroy the Bakufu, but I can't do that very well from the outside. So, I need someone like you, an influential member of the Shinsengumi to help me."

"Why should I help you? Who's to say I agree with you that the government needs destroying?"

"I've heard you are called the genius of the Hukuto-Itto style. I would imagine that someone of your caliber is wasted as such a low member of the Shinsengumi. If you help me I can guarantee you will become the leader." This shocked Kamotaro a little. Who knew that Takasugi had looked into his past like that? Kamotaro was finding Takasugi less bitter than he originally thought. After all, he had acknowledged Kamotaro's greatness. So, it was with a puffed up ego that Kamotaro said "Geniuses are always lonely people." Essentially agreeing with Takasugi's plan, he continued, "No one understands me. I have no intention of rotting in a place like this. No one can understand me or appreciate my true value. Therefore, I must demonstrate my abilities to the world. I will take over the Shinsengumi and use it as a power base. Then I will etch the evidence of my greatness on the world and the hearts of all its inhabitants."

"Even if that means living in infamy?" Takasugi chuckled, "Would you even betray the trust of your leader in order to achieve your goal? Don't you owe Kondo anything?"

"Owe? It's Kondo who owes me. He's an incompetent fool. He has no right to complain." Kamotaro didn't really mean this. He was feeling bitter as well, forgetting how Kondo was kind to him, remembering Hijikata's scathing looks. Takasugi chuckled again, standing up and taking a long drag on his pipe. "Ito…" Takasugi said thoughtfully "You think everyone but you is an idiot"

"It's true isn't it?" Ito thought but said nothing.

"And yet, you want the idiots to understand and appreciate you. You want to be understood. You want to be noticed. You want to demonstrate your greatness…But I'm not sure your ambitions are so grand. Maybe you're just…lonely. You don't just want someone to understand you. What you really want is…a friend."

How had Takasugi seen though him so easily? Everywhere Kamotaro had been no one had understood that. He had gotten underlings, bullies, and admirers; but none of them had been what he had wanted. Not even the people at the Shinsengumi had understood this. Kondo treated him like a teacher, Hijikata treated him like a rival, and the others either put him on a pedestal or feared him. He had been wrong when he thought the Shinsengumi could dispel his loneliness; they just made it worse. It really did take an outsider to understand a situation.

But of course he wasn't going of say any of this to Takasugi. Instead, he said "You're wrong about that. I would rather have them bow down to me."

"I wonder about that…" Takasugi smiled mysteriously. Then Takasugi gave Kamotaro a hard stare and asked "So, are you agreeing with my proposal? If not…Well, I hope you enjoyed your last meal."

Kamotaro returned the look and said "I do agree to your plan, leader of the Kiheitai. It will be…Interesting working with you." With that he stood up and left.

When Kamotaro left the boat, he felt many things. Satisfaction for a deal well struck and anticipation for what was to come. When he arrived at his room, he would send a letter to his most loyal followers to start the rebellion when he got back. But he also felt conflicted. A small part of him was asking "Am I doing the right thing?" so he continued walking with a bitter taste in his mouth that was not just from the Sake.

Meanwhile back on the Kiheitai boat, Takasugi and Bansai were watching the moon over the river. Bansai then asked "Shinsuke…Are you sure this is going to work? It seemed too easy."

Takasugi had started playing a Shamisen. It was a sad, lilting melody; one that had originally drawn Bansai to Takasugi. Takasugi's answer was a sort of musical murmur to go along with his Shamisen playing "Bansai, you worry too much. One way or another, that man will help us. And when he has outlived his usefulness, we will kill him along with the rest of the Shinsengumi. We don't need someone who will easily betray his superiors. That would be a fool's errand." Bansai could only nod in agreement.

**I hope you enjoyed reading my Ito-kun story. I used some quotes right out of the English manga, so if you're experiencing Déjà vu that's why. Please feel free to review, even if it's to tell me I made Takasugi and Bansai out of character. Every bit helps me improve, even if it's to tell me what I did wrong.**

**-Murayama Tsuru**


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